bad luck

So i think i have bad luck.
bad things always happen to me when i don't want them to.
I went to this college media conference in kentucky last weekend and i was super excited to go to this design workshop.
The design workshop was great!
However, my relationship with my editor turned sour.
I mean, he was kinda sketchy and creepy before. but it escalated.
Before the conference he kept asking me if i was going to nightclubs with him, if i was gonna go out and live a little. I of course bluntly said "no, of course not. and i wouldn't go with you anyways."
then he would ask if i was taking my swimsuit and I said no dickhead it's winter.
Then at the conference i was hanging out with my friend and he texted me asking me what i was doing and if i was gonna go party or go out and live a little.
I ignored him.
Then he says, "yeah thats okay, i was just going to invite you to go have some fun, but don't even respond."
Who does that? who texts someone who is ignoring them and call them out like that? does he not know what ignoring him means?
I ignored him. again.
he says, "Your roommate is here."
I say, "im busy"
He says, "Doing what??? come over!"
I say, "why can't you get that i don't wanna hang out with you."
He got the picture, and didn't text me after that. But seriously, why would i wanna go to a party with my boss where there is going to be a bunch of strangers and alcohol? One, i'm underage. So why would he offer me that? does he not know anything? He's a freakin idiot. and it was creeping me out.
Then, at 1 am in the morning he says, "are you this mean to all your staff?" I was like woooow. that's mature. so i said, "you're making me feel uncomfortable and i want to hang out with people my own age."
He says, "Ah fine, i didn't know if you wanted to come to this party a bunch of editors were at--figured you might not know as many of these peeps as me.. wanted to make sure you had a lil fun on this trip .. but have fun anyway."
and I was like, "I know how to have my own fun, thank you. And no i don't want to go to a party with you and a bunch of strangers."

IT's like, i'm not retarded you fkin idiot. If i've been at the conference for a day i have people to hang out with. And im a designer, i'm not going to hang out with a bunch of editors that are three years older than me.

And so he said, "I know, I know. Alright.. you look so upset all the time, i wanted to be sure you had a bit of fun." I'm not gonna have fun with my boss. and i've never treated him that way either. I've made it clear that he annoys me. and you're not my mom.

I said, "Well, u don't need to egg it on .I know how to take care of myself. I clearly have a boyfriend and I don't like that. bye."
and then he said, "i know i know. i have a gf too. bye."

It was SOOOOO IMmmature! like who does that? he's my boss for chrissakes. IT was super awkward and made me sick to my stomach. I can't even look at him.
I told my faculty advisor about it, yes i know i tattle taled. But it was the right thing to do because that was sooo innappropriate. She is going to talk to him about why his behavior was problematic.

So now, i have to deal with a creepy editor. while i work in the basement , with crappy cell phone service.
why me?
And if he even tries to bring it up or act creepy again. I will chew him out. and i'll tell on him again.

I don't ever get on this

I'm a bad blogger. oh well. I'm sure there are million more just like me.
So, I decided that even though I love school I'm totally over it and i want it to be summer already. I loved fall break. I got to go to Snow Canyon and ZIONS! I love the mountains soo sooo much! I got to hang out with melody and that was fun. We've been friends for a long time.:) makes me happy!
I dyed my hair! well Karli dyed it.. that was also muy bueno. It's funny cause when me and karli hang out, we usually are both like so, what should we do? neither of us like to make decisions. I honestly never care what to do. I would love just sitting around doing nothing, as long as i have someone to do it with! She made the cutest cupcakes! I think she should totally go to culinary school because she loves cooking and baking things. I wish we hung out more though, like in high school.
Me and amy didn't even hang out, so sad :( cuz SOMEBODY didn't answer her phone lol.
It's almost halloween and I still don't know what I wanna be!!!!
and next week i'm going to a media conference in KENTUCKY!
random huh.
It's gonna be awesome cuz i'm going to be with a bunch of strangers doing design workshops.
Oh, I now have three jobs
I tutor, I design the newspaper, and I got transfered to the Brickyard Harmons!
laskdfjlkad;! hahha

ga

so my life is ruined and my goals are shattered.
Everyday I get a smack in the face reminding me that I didn't get any scholarship.
Apparently my goals weren't firm enough for one and Nothing specifically stood out for the other. Oh and I need a better person to write my letters of recommendation.
So now i'm gonna have to pay 7,000 out of my pocket.
Everything I make is going to have to go towards that.
So no spain, no money no anything.
I'm too much of a loser to win anything.
They make it sound like winning a scholarship is so easy. Go to college, get a scholarship. its that simple. Well its not. Not everyone had perfect high school years where they were involved in every sport and every club. Some people aren't naturally talented in sports. or actually have to do other things that they can't be in a club. Maybe clubs are just overrated. Maybe I like to do things that are actually worthwhile. Not some stupid soup kitchen shit. I translated for people did favors for people ever since I was little. Never did i thought to make it community service official. I helped people because it was the right thing to do.
And I'm sorry my goals aren't firm. Maybe I want to graduate a year early, maybe I don't. It all depends on money. And aren't you supposed to help me with that?
And then everyday I see people spend money like its no tomorrow. Lets go to a concert, oh my gosh then the next week lets all go to california. Let's go to the mall everyday.
Like what the hell dude just rub it in my face everyone.
And then I look back at my summer and realize it just wasn't as good as last summer.
Everybody was being gay, all they wanna do is get drunk or hang out with their girlfriends. My girl friends rarely hang out with me. I took summer classes and didn't even get to have a paycheck cuz i was spending it on summer tuition. and now i have to face the nervousness of going back to college and seeing if I can actually make some friends this time because last time my roommate was an f'n weirdo.
I swear like not too many people understand me and I don't have the patience either to put up with other people.
and i'm just angry.
I'm so angry that I still have to worry about money. I've been worrying about money my whole life and i'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to work for everything while I see stupid people get everything handed to them.
GRRRRRRRR

so wow its been a while

so much for writing every day right? I think everyone starts that way and then slowly forgets ha. that's Me!
I'm kinda nervous cuz im going to salt lake tomorrow for a scholarship interview :) and i'm taking my dad to a funeral cuz his aunt died.
oh dad, he makes me depressed. I hope he is happy one day.
I found a mole on my back and right away my mind went into paranoia and i though i had skin cancer and then went through a billion scenarios. I really should get a personal doctor that can tell me, yes kendra you're gonna die, or no kendra shut up.

blegh

utah better not pass the immigration law that's all im gonna say.
I swear they are out to piss me off on purpose.
so...... i wanna hang out with my fwends. why does everybody have to work?
and why don't i have a car?
boohoo :(
at least im getting tan :D

left for dead

I do not understand how someone who is 1/16 spanish and can't even speak it fluently gets a hispanic scholarship, but someone who is 1/2 spanish, reads, writes and speaks fluently, and even translates from time to time doesn't. What the hell.
I am not lucky at all. and it really urks me.
Someone who needs the scholarship, has an EFC of zero, can't even get a scholarship.
How freaking annoying.
I cannot pay eight hundred dollars a month just because some stupid scholarship doesn't wanna help me out.
Gosh, what am i gonna do.
=_=

jujujuju

So, why is it still cold? I mean really, it's depressing. Yesterday was mine and danny's two year anniversary and it rained the whole day. But I did get some cafe rio so I wasn't pissy or anything...
I've really gotten into this new asian drama on crunchy roll called marry me.
The first episode is about this girl who gets proposed to and then finds out the very same day that he is cheating on her.
I've been hooked ever since. I don't know what it is with me and anime and asians. It could be that everything is so cute. The anime cartoons are cute with the big eyes and the cute boys with their charming lines. Asian girls can wear whatever they want and they will look adorable. I find myself writhing with jealousy! I want those clothes! i want that hair! and plus to make the series even better, there is this really cute guy that is in it and ...ah :D
Anyways, my ceramic jewelery class is awesome! I'm trying to make a lot of stuff so i have enough for myself and to give to friends. I just love getting my hands dirty in the clay and putting things together..it's so peaceful! I feel totally calmed and relaxed after that class.
Only one more week left and i'm home for the summer!!!
I CAN"T WAIT FOR:
family
friends
summer classes at dixie (drawing class mostly)
sun
heat
good home cooked meals
the mountains
lake
trips with friends
money
late nights with friends
parties
potential graphic design job
ice cream
camping
hanging out
AAAAHHHHHHh!!!!
So excited :D

you suck.

hey student account services at westminster college,
SUCK IT!
i hate you and you are unfair and stupid.
yea.
i want to say more hateful things to you but i will restrain myself.
alskdjflajsldjflaksjdlf;jla;jdsf!!!!!!!!!

Oh and also,
Salt Lake City weather,
F&%* you!!!!

oh and shaw!
you can shove your expensive food up your anus.

phew...

oh and i forgot...


DIE BRIEF RESPONSE PAPER!!!! DIEEEEEEE



i'm done.

Arizona. F*&$ YOU

So i read the newspaper this morning and guess what it said. That Utah is starting to write its own bill using Arizona's as influence. What the hell Utah, don't you know that arizona's bill is racist, oppressive, unjust and just promotes ignorance and hate????? The freaking federal government might launch a lawsuit against it!!!! Like seriously, any one with a heavy accent or darker skin is going to get constantly questioned by the police. AND the police already racial profiles and they probably have a couple enemies they'd like to get rid of. Gosh i cant even believe such a legislation could be passed.. Oh wait I can, when old white men are running things...
Psh... Like what kind of law is that..
"if we suspect that you may be illegal, we have a right to ask for your papers and documentation and if you don't have anything you get deported".... OK.. so is everyone supposed to start wearing their citizenship status on our sleeves now?? are we going to resort to yellow stars? really...
UGGGHHHH. so frustrating. Like seriously whats these people's problems.. Yea there are mexican gangs, yea their are rapists and murderers. but guess what america, there are WHITE gangs, WHITE rapists, WHITE murderers, WHITE people who take advantage of welfare, and WHITE trash. Get over it and stop blaming other races!!!!

and here's another thing. Maybe people would come in legally if they didn't have to pay thousands of dollars or wait in line for forty years. Excuse me if they can't wait that long enough when their family is poor and suffering and the corrupt police are out to kill you. Why is it that cubans who flee to america aren't illegal but everyone else is?? These people obviously respect our country enough to be able to want to come here and get a better life. And instead of appreciating this we whine and hate these people.

So whatever arizona,
lets see how long this bill holds up.
Because even if they risk questioning by the police it doesn't mean its going to stop them. Many have risked so much more.

Gosh i just wanna punch those stupid legislators in the face.

So.... its like midnight

I was thinking. I used to really really really like Linkin Park. I listened to them everyday. So today on youtube I went into a music video phase and stalked every band i used to like and still like. And I think I will always love this phrase:
When my time comes, forget the wrongs that i've done
help me leave behind some reason to be missed
don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest.
Yes! you know?? Why do people resent you, and always put everything that you've ever done wrong always in your face? We are all people, we are all sinners, we all make mistakes. Why is it so hard??
I do it too. I don't forget the people who have hurt me in the past. But I've finally forgiven. It took a while but yes, I no longer hold grudges against those who betrayed me. I just avoid them now.
Because everyone makes mistakes. I have made some big mistakes, i've hurt people I love. But I regret it, and i hate that part of myself. I hate the things that i've done and i won't ever do them again. I am moving on though. I am.
I decided that i really enjoy other people's drama. I like knowing people's business. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. It's not like i go and tell everyone and gossip or anything. I just like knowing that i'm not the only one with a screwed up life. And you know what else I like? relationship statuses.
I really get a kick out of seeing who is together, who is engaged, and who is single. Because it's interesting. It makes you wonder. How did they meet? what do they see in each other?? Why would he date her..she's a massive bitch?
So interesting.
People are just so complex. I love it.

i'm having trouble getting to sleep. I just want to snap my fingers and be in bed all ready. My face washed, teeth brushed, bladder emptied, pajamas on and ready to dream.

grown up.

I think im grown up. but apparently im not. because i complain about things and dont like it when things dont go my way..
I don't know why i complain so much. I think its because its easier to complain than to say something stupid. I think I complain because i dont know how to start other conversations. and if i do complain i should be able to say whatever i want to the people i trust most. because if i can't, then what's the point you know??
But i guess i should grow up. cause being negative just makes bad energy.
I don't know whats up with me. I just have this stupid fear of being annoying to people.
I don't want people to hate me or say that im annoying. I don't wanna be ditched for someone else. When I see friends that i've had for a long time hang out with so many people all the time, and then I come and they treat me like crap...how am i supposed to feel? I get jealous you know. Like what do these people have that i don't have? Is it really just because im annoying and negative? I think sometimes i do deserve a little respect. Maybe i wouldn't be negative if people would treat me right and listen to what i have to say without tagging me as annoying and nagging.
gaaa. i have no patience for people at all. and then i start to judge them because I then get annoyed.

i shouldn't have to be approved by everyone else.
I just need to be like i used to. Happy, funny, and independent.

liberals/conservatives

I swear if i hear "poor people are poor because they are lazy and dont take any action to improve their condition" in any variety or similar phrase one more time i will bust a cap.
Like are you really that blind and ignorant????
I know for a fact that that notion is not true. there are textbooks and legitimate facts against that.
Jesus would never say that. Jesus would help the poor. So why cant the government help the poor conservatives??? and why is higher taxes for the rich a bad thing???
They should be paying more taxes not less. Who gives a crap if they wont be able to have six yachts.
Quit being so gosh dang greedy!!!!!!!
we should have had universal health care decades ago!!!!! and i think its about time the government starts regulating all those greedy capitalistic private companies that take advantage of everyone.
Ever heard of credit card debt collectors and that nasty ordeal???
We need regulation!!!
Everyone should be entitled to quality education and quality health care no matter what!

Once upon time there was a girl named Kendra.

Two years ago she was a completely different person.
She was naive, slightly depressed, brainwashed, angry, and wierd :)
Now she is angry, loved, hopeful, and homesick!

yay for change!!!!

I bought a cool bracelet at this store called ten thousand villages which is a non profit organization yadadyaydadd... and now i cant find it. :( and it makes me really sad.
That happens to me all the time. things just disappear i swear!!!
Everybody says i misplace it, which is true sometimes but a lot of times i cant ever ever find!
take two years ago for example.
I had this really really cool samsung mp3 player. and then one day i couldnt find it anywhere and i haven't found it since!!! and i've moved furniture, cleaned the house, looked behind walls...and nothing!!!
daaaannnnggggggggg...

weeether.

let me dictate to you how bipolar salt lake city is.
Yesterday, or should i say the day before, it snowed alll day. like literally did not stop.
the next day everything was covered in snow.
Today, no snow. Everything is gone and its Sunny.
before it snowed it was sunny to the point i almost didn't have to wear a sweater.
the day before that it snowed, hailed, rained, and was sunny all in the span of twenty minutes.
I HATE YOU WEATHER!!!
Its APRIL!!
be hot already!!!
shhhhhiiii!!!

defiance.

you know that story of tuvia and his brother leading over a thousand people from evil in a huge forest in russia?
you know.. the one they made into a movie called defiance?
I do. and you know what i think?
I would totally do that.
I would not go into the ghetto and wait for the nazis to kill me.
I would run off somewhere especially the countryside or the big forest. because at least there i would have a bigger chance.
and if you do end up getting caught, well at least you had more time before they killed you.
I think i would have smuggled myself to a peaceful country.
and the jew stars. psh i wouldn't wear one. i would pretend i wasnt even a jew.
not because i wouldn't be proud of it, but because I would not be the jew that the nazi's believe me to be.
I'm not going to wear a star that by definition the nazi's say that i'm scum.
because im not.
geeeez.
freakin ww2 man.. always getting to me..always giving me nightmares..
maybe in another life I was a victim of the nazis or something

uuuuggghhhhh

IM SOOOO BOREDDDD!!!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

seriously, i need something to do.
I want to go to the gym and work out but im too much of a coward to go by myself.
grhaksjdflkjalkjdfladfj!!!!

good thing i work this weekend. or i'd want to shoot myself.

im bored

I should be writing my scholarship essay. but i don't want to :(
uh oh. i feel like whining and complaining today.
joy.
I'm just soooo booredd.
and worried.
like what if i don't have enough money for next year?
it would be nice if we could get an apartment.
but doubt that will happen next year.
i'm soooo glad :)
i found a graduate school that i'm actually considering!!
at temple university :) looks pretty cool and i could get my master's in graphic and interactive design.
that would be awesome!!!
i worry too much.
it makes my hair fall out.
Like what if things don't go as planned?
What if i can't do the things I want to.
what if...
Grrr. i hate it.
alksdjflkajdslfjaldjflkadkfjlaj! stupid!stupid!stupid!!!
i want it to be summer now :(

Adam Lazzara

Adam Lazzara is soooo freakkinngg hott.

i watch his make damn sure video over and over cuz he makes the most sexiest faces...

GRRR!!

today was a good day.

i woke up went to class took a test, aced the test, picked my classes for the fall which are awesome :) wanna know? ok i'll tell ya
Intro to mass media
The Forum newspaper class
intro to philosophy
composition and design
art history:rennaissance :)

oh oh and in the summer i'll be taking:
basic drawing & composition
writing for mass audiences...

yay for getting requirements out of the way!!!
and ill be taking the clep test for spanish and saving myself two semesters of foreign language!
YAYYYYY!!!!!

and next spring ill be taking yoga woooo.

anyways, besides getting my classes...i also took advantage of the lovely sun today :)
i went to noodles and company yum yum
watched up in the air with danny at the movies ;)
and now im back home.
to do homework....
:(

but it was still a good day and i wanted to brag!!

ambitions.

So, I have decided. I would like to graduate with my bachelor's degree early. I also would like to be a McNair scholar (upward bound for college kids) :)
That would give me a possibility of getting 100% tuition paid
also, i would like to get the hispanic college fund. then i would also get 100% paid.
I want to study abroad next year. but if money doesn't work out. I won't be able to. and neither will danny.
it will suck.
I am so blessed to have a job designing the forum.
It would be swell if i could find a similar job in st. george this summer.
I also decided i'll be taking summer courses :)
i'm just all up and planning my future recently.
just gotta remember all my papers.
all my duties.


i guess its worth it.
and at least its starting to be nice outside:)

got a good cry out with amy last night. definitely needed it.
would like to do it agaiN!

sigh.
i love my life :) stupid things and all.

spring breakkk

so it kinda sucked that my spring break was a week before everyone elses but oh well.

I still had fun :)

i don't know why we haven't caved till this year its fun!

and y'all know i love zions:D OH MY GOSH! ZIONS! :)

here are some momentous pix of my tripp

yay can't wait for summer :D

married.

so many people are getting married.
i can't even believe it . and they're my age!

St. George

so warm.
love it.
:D

annoyed

im so sick of hearing about haiti.
i get it already ok.
im so sick of hearing about the olympics.
they are boring and i wont watch them.
im so sick of hearing about the mormon religion.
i was mormon. i know. and i don't care. so everybody stop whining about everything.
im sick of it being cold.
i want to get some sun already my skin is transparent.
im sick of school
i want to go to spring break
im sick of always being broke and worrying about money
im sick of stupid people who act stupid and like the know more than you.



i felt like complaining.

wa. get over it.

followers

i think its funny how i still post blogs as if more than one person is reading them. when in reality i have one follower :)

i love you.

people throw this phrase around like it meant nothing.
well guess what. it means alot.
i know what happens when its thrown too early.
thats why i waited a while. till i knew for sure.
I know i'm in love.
and love is more than gushy feelings. its so much more than that.
we've been through thick and thin, we've had to be apart from each other.
i love him :) and he loves me:)
and i know the difference between love and lust and infatuation.
and i just wanted to share this little thought.
i hope that young people in relationships realize the true meaning behind powerful three words.

Valentine's day :D

yesterday was vday.
yay.
i made myself cute and then went to breakfast with danny at school.
then we went to the mall but first we waited for a bus for like an hour cause its too far to walk the whole way. it was cute cuz the whole time he was like i feel like a douche and bla bla cuz we were taking the bus. i was like awwwwwww.
so we got to the mall and went to the planetarium which is a pretty cool place dude. then we went to california pizza kitchen and had a greek pizza which was goooo
then we went to see wolfman which was scary and reminded me of an eightees horror film. then we went home and an hour later we went to olive garden my favorite place ever and i finished my whole plate!!!!
YAYAYYYYY
that was a fun day :D

Movies.

So yesterday while danny was at a jazz laker game with his roommate i watched three movies.

10 things I hate about you, american pie 2, and she's all that on netflix.

let me just say that i will watch 10 things i hate about you a million times because heath ledger is freakin sexxiii in that movie. and i mean SEXIII!!!

oof.

like seriously i was in awe the whole time.

plus he's like this sentimental bad boy which is like every girl's fantasy haha

anyways. it sucked being alone all day yesterday. :(

but danny looked like a g with the shirt i made him:)

hells yea i got skillz.

i watch so many movies its ridiculous.

i think the reason why i love them so much is because you get to see so many different things and any idea is possible.

and movies are even better when there's nice eye candy;)

my favorite

Ever since I was young I knew that I wanted to travel and to see the world. i've always loved the mountains and nature. It's a feeling that I can't explain. Good thing i'm spanish and i've had the opportunity to go there. Everything I see just blows my mind. Architecture, art, there are so many different kinds, so many things to see in this life. I hope that God will grant me life to see enough. this spring break i hope to be able to do one of my favorite things ever. go to Zions, be outside, and baske in the glorious sun. I'm thankful for all the beauty and wonders in the world that we have surrounding us.

white people.

I read a comment on facebook that really pissed me off.
It was about how we should have a white history month or a white parade or tribute to white entertainment.
stupidity.
stupidity.
stupidity.
stupidity.
I'm going to be frank. This country is a white america.
Yes, there are minorities in this country that get somewhat represented.
but still, look at this country for real.
When our country was first established, liberty and equality for all really meant liberty and equality for the white male. African-Americans weren't represented, they weren't even considered american.
see that comment just pissed me off because that person did not realize that this country basically has white history month every month excluding like what, three?
Look at the history books, people purposefully have to put in black history and other minorities in there because they aren't represented. Years ago, there wasn't even a black person in the history books.
The thing about it is white people are what rule america, it has only been until 2010 that we have had a black president.
Colleges have to look for diversity because most people that go to college are WHITE.
UGHHH!!!
white people were not slaves, white people did not get there civil rights taken away and hosed down by firehoses, white people do not experience extreme police brutality like minorities do, white people do not have to work harder than other minorities.
a black person, hispanic person, or any other minority has to deal with judgment everyday.
They have to work twice as hard to be accepted.
and when a black person or hispanic person actually does do something amazing, they get attention for it, because apparently its not common for a minority to actually be successful.
My skin may not be dark, but i would consider myself more hispanic than white anyday.
in conclusion:
to say that white people need a month is ridiculous, these ignorant people who believe they are being underrepresented need to take a real close look at their country, their history books and the privileges they have that others don't.

Peggy Mcintosh made a huge study about white privilege and made a list of the privileges white people have.
http://http://www.case.edu/president/aaction/UnpackingTheKnapsack.pdf
here are a few:
I can talk with my mouth full and not have people put this down due to my color

Whether I use checks, credit cards, or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability

If a traffic cop pulls me over or the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure that I haven't been singled out because of my race

I am never asked to speak for all the people in my racial group.



Ignorance is the reason it took more than a century to end slavery.

stupid people

stupid people are stupid when they don't do the things they are supposed to do like send me photos and articles before the specified deadline.
Like seriously do you not understand that i don't want to be waiting for you to turn in these things all day?
like seriously i could finish the whole newspaper in a day if i had everything in!!!!!
=_= curse you all.
and one more thing.
I HATE walking to my dorm after five.
its dark outside and i don't wanna get raped.
thank you for your time.

woot

so today i did my fafsa...YAYYYYYY!!! lets hope i get more money than last year:)

the good thing about it was that they changed the layout to make it more easier to do! YAYYYY!

Today me and danny walked around to find a yellow tee cuz he's going to the lakers game wednesday.

pretty sure i made the sickest logo on that yellow tee :) im so talented with art!

it reminded me of when i made left 4 dead tshirts a long long time ago.

anywayssss.....

can't wait for valentine's day :) it will be specialll... like that picture ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

also can't wait for spring break so i can see my girls and baske in the heat woof.

i work tomorrow :( which means for two full days i'll be invisible.

i do love my job though!

i'm always hungry man. and our freaking cafeteria closes on seven on weekends so im craving food and i can't eat crap :(

mamaaaaaaaa!!!

all by myself.

so today is free laser tag for everyone at westminster, only thing is you need transportation to get there so me and danny had to find a ride. We ended up not being able to find a ride so we were just in his room, when his roommate said there was room for one more person, i said go ahead and go. i mean i can't not let him go do something fun just cause i can't go. i'm with him all the time. so i let him go. Now im in his room all by myself. blahhhgh.
im such a good girlfriend :)
I wish i had friends here. that were girls.
so that i could go hang out with them when i can't with danny.
It sucks. i wish amy lived up here lol.
:)
I'm in his room cuz my room has no computer :/ still with hp.
i just had oreos and milkyyy.
my favorite!
i don't know what im gonna do for two hours, probably watch a movie haha.
You know what i was thinking.
i'm scared to be an independent grown up,.
i don't know how to do anything!!! i was so scared just shipping a package in the mail!
i'm terrified of forgetting to do something im supposed to document wise...and insurance? bleggghh.
Fafsa is freaking scaring me now too!!!
i worry too much.
but seriously, last night i had a dream that danny died. I was like wtf!! that better not happen:(
and then i get to thinking, what if i got cancer? what if danny got cancer? what if i can never have kids? what if what if what if.
Paranoia.
it keeps me up every night.
I get scared that something evil is waiting to possess me. and thoughts just pop into my head. scary faces. my ears start hearing things. ever since i was 14.
im just scared that something is going to mess up the good feelings and choices that i have and make.
like i am not supposed to deserve anything.
geez. i think i have a psychological disease.

Taco Bell

I really want some like now. too bad it closes in ten minutes and its snowing outside. The past weekend me and danny took walks (my favorite) watched movies (my other favorite) and tonight i did absolutely nothing...YAY!!!
I was kinda pissed that i didn't go to taco bell though.
Danny has this theory that whenever i'm mad or pissy its because i'm hungry and that after he feeds me im not mad or pissed.
we'll see about that. haha
I'm kind of excited for valentine's day. i know we are broke and all but its still a fun holiday :)
Hey guess what, spring break is going to be awesome. :D hello sun! -i desperately need you.
Oh and i'll be shaving my legs!
if you didn't know by now internet i haven't shaved this whole winter. :) rebel i know.
i keep smelling food and its pissing me off!!!! i'm freaking hungry!!!
Pretty sure my roommates boyfriend came from california and stayed the weekend. Yea he slept in her bed, i didn't catch them doing anything. However I did wake up in the middle of the night to him walking around the room-little freaky.
and at four in the morning i told some stupid ess drunk chicks to shut the hell up!
seriously though. shut the hell up its four in the morning!!!!!!
anyways night night :)

Mary Jane

So i just went to a discussion about legalizing Marijuana. I'm gonna say sure, legalize it, it will probably help the economy and will probably throw off the drug cartels, and it has medicinal purposes for cancer people.
What i'm also going to say is that I personally would not use it, and I wouldn't want people around me to use it. Because of personal experiences, I do not like this drug. I know what it has done to my family and my friends. Quite frankly, I do not need a drug, or alcohol to have fun.
I do not know if i will ever try it, i think the only way it would ever be in my system is if someone spiked the brownies. I have tried alcohol, and that didn't work so well, can't even stand the taste.
I guess i was just built this way :)

America's Next Top Model

I seriously love that show. It makes me want to be a model. Or a photographer. It makes me fall in love with art even more.
And then i get pissed because everyone in that show has perfect skin and perfect hair.
=_=
grrrrrrr.

What i want to do before I die

So i was watching the buried life last night and it kind of inspired me.
I want to do a lot of things before I die, I may not make a show about it or do everything on my list...but it's nice to have goals.
1. I want to get married and have a beautiful wedding
2. I want to take danny to spain
3. I want to go to lots of countries especially in Europe
4. I want to study abroad
5. I want to graduate college
6. illustrate a children's book
7. Become a graphic designer
8. Make more money than my parents
9. take a road trip around the U.S. and visit different landmarks
10. Go to the FIFA world cup
11. Go to the Olympics
12. Have a family
13. teach my kids spanish
14. Visit Israel
15. Influence someone's life
16. scuba or sky dive or something outrageous like that
17. learn to play an instrument
18. hike a really really tall mountain.


to be continued one day :)

Shakespeare in Love

So last night I watched the movie Shakespeare in Love. I really do love this movie, it makes me feel all giggly and girly and have butterflies. Plus, the guy is really hot in the movie too.
It makes me think about romance and idealized love.
I don't think anybody really has that kind of idealized love in their lives, I know I don't. But what I do have is real love, which is better ;)
Yesterday I also so ninja assasin, boy was that bloody... But yet again another hot guy, and this time he was japanese. WEEEE ^_^
Man, i really have an uneventful life when i'm up in salt lake, all i do is watch movies and chill on the internet. I should get a second job.
too bad the workforce hates me and doesn't do crap.
Well, that is enough.
Byes.
P.S. Amy made my day today (cough cough nikayla cough)
don't worry its a good thing.

Amy.

Today is Amy's Birthday.
She is nineteen now.
She can buy cigarrettes if she wants to! So cool I know :P
Anyways, it's kind of funny i was angry at amy at the beginning of senior year because I felt like she was hogging Ciera ahahha. Now that I think of it it sounds really funny.
Amy is really cool, real, and funny. We can talk about anything, and she won't make me feel stupid or insecure. I hope she has a good day :) she deserves it.

Saturday Misfortunes.

My class schedule is so awesome that everyday feels like a saturday. The only problem is i'm flat broke, so I can't exactly celebrate such luck.
I have one class mondays and wednesdays that ends at 11:15, and I don't have class on fridays. If you think about it, I have 5 day weekends every week.
This saturday I worked on my newspaper, it looks good :) I say it has tremendous improvement from last semester's forum. I'm glad I got the job. too bad everything I make has to go towards tuition. SCREW YOU SCHOLARSHIPS!!!! I HOPE YOU DIE FOR NOT ACCEPTING ME!!!
but seriously, I'm awesome, so why don't I get money?
hopefully it will change next year. I would really like to indulge in my 500$ a month paycheck.
So guess what, after having my laptop at home for almost a month because it was diseased with viruses, I recently got it back for MLK weekend. Guess what, yesterday it turned off FOR NO APPARENT REASON even when it was plugged in, and it wouldn't turn back on!!! I was like FUUUUUUU!!! seriously eff u computer. I called HP and this nice indian accent helped me for an hour taking out the battery and the hard drive only to tell me at the end of the call that I was going to have to send it in to HP. Why does technology hate me? I know i'm not patient, but give me a break.
I guess my movie days and nights are over. Sorry netflix, i won't be able to break the 5 movies per day mark anytime soon.
peace.

First.

So, I feel really weird. This is my first blog, and it had interested me before but I started it today because Amy started hers. Yes, i was a follower in that particular moment :)
I figured these things are like cooler diaries, and i gotta say, I love diaries! Especially the ones that come from Barnes and Nobles. Except I just buy them cuz they look cool and i don't usually fill them up. Hopefully this won't happen here, since its on the internet and i'm on that all the time. :) Right at this moment i miss my friends. :( i can't wait for summer!
well, that is enough for now.
peace