i. love. spain.

and i don't want too leeeaaveee! :(

Sometimes I wish I could have multiple lives. I could live in America, and live in Spain at the same time and it would be awesome!
It kind of freaks me out that there is a whole world out there and so many things to see!
The only problem with me is that when I see something new I get too attached and I want to stay.
I want to stay in Spain! But I want to stay in America! I want to live in France and in Japan and everywhere!
:( booo!!!! too bad I haven't figured out how to teleport yet.
It's hard saying goodbye. I had to say goodbye to my friends twice because I thought i was leaving one day, and ended up leaving the next.
I hate it.
goodbyes suck. hellos are much much better :)

sexy spaniards

I feel like posting again :)
Why are spaniards so damn sexy?

Everywhere I go I see couples making out in the middle of the street and I think to myself.."I want to be that passionate and romantic!"
Too bad I'm horrible at expressing any emotion besides anger.

Im so good at being angry it's not even funny. well. a little haha

Even though Danny and I have been together for three years, i'm still a sucker for PDA. I don't even kiss him in front of my family.

It just feels like everyone's watching me and then they are going to embarrass me. I should get over it. Dammit I want to be in the moment and kiss Danny right in the middle of the street. It doesn't matter who is there or what's going on!!

I want a notebook scene where it's raining and we just give in! Who cares if we get wet and get hypothermia! I want our love life to be like a freaking movie!

I want to many things. I'm a coveter.

People bug.

I wish I could be taken as I am. That people would just accept me. I'm tired of having to change who I am, or watch what I do or say so other people wont get offended. Seriously, I put up with people's crap all the time, why can't they put up with mine?
I feel like I'm always compromising myself for everyone else, and nobody gives me the same courtesy.
It's really irritating when someone is talking to me, and just because I dont reply with a huge ass smile on my face, they ask me why I have an attitude. I'm not angry people! I'm just talking! I don't have an attitude! Im just blunt. If I'm not excited, I don't pretend. Ok?

Right now I really am angry though. haha

Why do people bug!!!!

I'm in Spain right now. It's really nice to get away from everyone. Yes, I love and miss Danny and my friends but I just need a break. Like bad. People in Spain understand me. I think it's because I have a European soul. Stupid americans need to get with the program of how I awesome I am!

I really need to start remembering I have a blog. I should use it to release my stress more.
I thought I was going crazy for a second.

Don't care to title

Isn't it funny how we start these things and then forget about them?

Well, I'm not going to catch things up. I've learned that lesson with journals. I'll buy a journal, write in it, then forget for a bunch of months...then find myself trying to cram in what happened in those months. you know all the important stuff.
I'm not going to do that anymore.
I'm just going to start at the present and future. Trying to remember and condense the past is way too much work for a lazy person like me.

Here I am. Just me. On my bed, listening to enrique. He's so sexy :)
I've really gotten into wearing fuzzy socks. and yoga. It makes me feel so in tune with the universe and stretchy! definitely a plus. I think my favorite pose has got to be crow and child's pose. crow because its hard and I can actually do it, and child's pose cause it stretches my hips :)

I'm growing my hair long again. It starting to remind me of how I used to be when my hair was long. I was a young and innocent random girl. probably more accurately described as weird. I kissed statues and danced around in superman clothes with makeup all over my face.

I like to think that I still got it. You know, acting like a kid and not caring. Sometimes I feel like its frowned upon. But then again, I think it takes courage to act like a child and not care what others think. There are times to be serious, and then there are times where I just need to let go. I'll just drive myself crazy if i don't.

bad luck

So i think i have bad luck.
bad things always happen to me when i don't want them to.
I went to this college media conference in kentucky last weekend and i was super excited to go to this design workshop.
The design workshop was great!
However, my relationship with my editor turned sour.
I mean, he was kinda sketchy and creepy before. but it escalated.
Before the conference he kept asking me if i was going to nightclubs with him, if i was gonna go out and live a little. I of course bluntly said "no, of course not. and i wouldn't go with you anyways."
then he would ask if i was taking my swimsuit and I said no dickhead it's winter.
Then at the conference i was hanging out with my friend and he texted me asking me what i was doing and if i was gonna go party or go out and live a little.
I ignored him.
Then he says, "yeah thats okay, i was just going to invite you to go have some fun, but don't even respond."
Who does that? who texts someone who is ignoring them and call them out like that? does he not know what ignoring him means?
I ignored him. again.
he says, "Your roommate is here."
I say, "im busy"
He says, "Doing what??? come over!"
I say, "why can't you get that i don't wanna hang out with you."
He got the picture, and didn't text me after that. But seriously, why would i wanna go to a party with my boss where there is going to be a bunch of strangers and alcohol? One, i'm underage. So why would he offer me that? does he not know anything? He's a freakin idiot. and it was creeping me out.
Then, at 1 am in the morning he says, "are you this mean to all your staff?" I was like woooow. that's mature. so i said, "you're making me feel uncomfortable and i want to hang out with people my own age."
He says, "Ah fine, i didn't know if you wanted to come to this party a bunch of editors were at--figured you might not know as many of these peeps as me.. wanted to make sure you had a lil fun on this trip .. but have fun anyway."
and I was like, "I know how to have my own fun, thank you. And no i don't want to go to a party with you and a bunch of strangers."

IT's like, i'm not retarded you fkin idiot. If i've been at the conference for a day i have people to hang out with. And im a designer, i'm not going to hang out with a bunch of editors that are three years older than me.

And so he said, "I know, I know. Alright.. you look so upset all the time, i wanted to be sure you had a bit of fun." I'm not gonna have fun with my boss. and i've never treated him that way either. I've made it clear that he annoys me. and you're not my mom.

I said, "Well, u don't need to egg it on .I know how to take care of myself. I clearly have a boyfriend and I don't like that. bye."
and then he said, "i know i know. i have a gf too. bye."

It was SOOOOO IMmmature! like who does that? he's my boss for chrissakes. IT was super awkward and made me sick to my stomach. I can't even look at him.
I told my faculty advisor about it, yes i know i tattle taled. But it was the right thing to do because that was sooo innappropriate. She is going to talk to him about why his behavior was problematic.

So now, i have to deal with a creepy editor. while i work in the basement , with crappy cell phone service.
why me?
And if he even tries to bring it up or act creepy again. I will chew him out. and i'll tell on him again.

I don't ever get on this

I'm a bad blogger. oh well. I'm sure there are million more just like me.
So, I decided that even though I love school I'm totally over it and i want it to be summer already. I loved fall break. I got to go to Snow Canyon and ZIONS! I love the mountains soo sooo much! I got to hang out with melody and that was fun. We've been friends for a long time.:) makes me happy!
I dyed my hair! well Karli dyed it.. that was also muy bueno. It's funny cause when me and karli hang out, we usually are both like so, what should we do? neither of us like to make decisions. I honestly never care what to do. I would love just sitting around doing nothing, as long as i have someone to do it with! She made the cutest cupcakes! I think she should totally go to culinary school because she loves cooking and baking things. I wish we hung out more though, like in high school.
Me and amy didn't even hang out, so sad :( cuz SOMEBODY didn't answer her phone lol.
It's almost halloween and I still don't know what I wanna be!!!!
and next week i'm going to a media conference in KENTUCKY!
random huh.
It's gonna be awesome cuz i'm going to be with a bunch of strangers doing design workshops.
Oh, I now have three jobs
I tutor, I design the newspaper, and I got transfered to the Brickyard Harmons!
laskdfjlkad;! hahha

ga

so my life is ruined and my goals are shattered.
Everyday I get a smack in the face reminding me that I didn't get any scholarship.
Apparently my goals weren't firm enough for one and Nothing specifically stood out for the other. Oh and I need a better person to write my letters of recommendation.
So now i'm gonna have to pay 7,000 out of my pocket.
Everything I make is going to have to go towards that.
So no spain, no money no anything.
I'm too much of a loser to win anything.
They make it sound like winning a scholarship is so easy. Go to college, get a scholarship. its that simple. Well its not. Not everyone had perfect high school years where they were involved in every sport and every club. Some people aren't naturally talented in sports. or actually have to do other things that they can't be in a club. Maybe clubs are just overrated. Maybe I like to do things that are actually worthwhile. Not some stupid soup kitchen shit. I translated for people did favors for people ever since I was little. Never did i thought to make it community service official. I helped people because it was the right thing to do.
And I'm sorry my goals aren't firm. Maybe I want to graduate a year early, maybe I don't. It all depends on money. And aren't you supposed to help me with that?
And then everyday I see people spend money like its no tomorrow. Lets go to a concert, oh my gosh then the next week lets all go to california. Let's go to the mall everyday.
Like what the hell dude just rub it in my face everyone.
And then I look back at my summer and realize it just wasn't as good as last summer.
Everybody was being gay, all they wanna do is get drunk or hang out with their girlfriends. My girl friends rarely hang out with me. I took summer classes and didn't even get to have a paycheck cuz i was spending it on summer tuition. and now i have to face the nervousness of going back to college and seeing if I can actually make some friends this time because last time my roommate was an f'n weirdo.
I swear like not too many people understand me and I don't have the patience either to put up with other people.
and i'm just angry.
I'm so angry that I still have to worry about money. I've been worrying about money my whole life and i'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to work for everything while I see stupid people get everything handed to them.
GRRRRRRRR

so wow its been a while

so much for writing every day right? I think everyone starts that way and then slowly forgets ha. that's Me!
I'm kinda nervous cuz im going to salt lake tomorrow for a scholarship interview :) and i'm taking my dad to a funeral cuz his aunt died.
oh dad, he makes me depressed. I hope he is happy one day.
I found a mole on my back and right away my mind went into paranoia and i though i had skin cancer and then went through a billion scenarios. I really should get a personal doctor that can tell me, yes kendra you're gonna die, or no kendra shut up.

blegh

utah better not pass the immigration law that's all im gonna say.
I swear they are out to piss me off on purpose.
so...... i wanna hang out with my fwends. why does everybody have to work?
and why don't i have a car?
boohoo :(
at least im getting tan :D

left for dead

I do not understand how someone who is 1/16 spanish and can't even speak it fluently gets a hispanic scholarship, but someone who is 1/2 spanish, reads, writes and speaks fluently, and even translates from time to time doesn't. What the hell.
I am not lucky at all. and it really urks me.
Someone who needs the scholarship, has an EFC of zero, can't even get a scholarship.
How freaking annoying.
I cannot pay eight hundred dollars a month just because some stupid scholarship doesn't wanna help me out.
Gosh, what am i gonna do.
=_=

jujujuju

So, why is it still cold? I mean really, it's depressing. Yesterday was mine and danny's two year anniversary and it rained the whole day. But I did get some cafe rio so I wasn't pissy or anything...
I've really gotten into this new asian drama on crunchy roll called marry me.
The first episode is about this girl who gets proposed to and then finds out the very same day that he is cheating on her.
I've been hooked ever since. I don't know what it is with me and anime and asians. It could be that everything is so cute. The anime cartoons are cute with the big eyes and the cute boys with their charming lines. Asian girls can wear whatever they want and they will look adorable. I find myself writhing with jealousy! I want those clothes! i want that hair! and plus to make the series even better, there is this really cute guy that is in it and ...ah :D
Anyways, my ceramic jewelery class is awesome! I'm trying to make a lot of stuff so i have enough for myself and to give to friends. I just love getting my hands dirty in the clay and putting things together..it's so peaceful! I feel totally calmed and relaxed after that class.
Only one more week left and i'm home for the summer!!!
I CAN"T WAIT FOR:
family
friends
summer classes at dixie (drawing class mostly)
sun
heat
good home cooked meals
the mountains
lake
trips with friends
money
late nights with friends
parties
potential graphic design job
ice cream
camping
hanging out
AAAAHHHHHHh!!!!
So excited :D

you suck.

hey student account services at westminster college,
SUCK IT!
i hate you and you are unfair and stupid.
yea.
i want to say more hateful things to you but i will restrain myself.
alskdjflajsldjflaksjdlf;jla;jdsf!!!!!!!!!

Oh and also,
Salt Lake City weather,
F&%* you!!!!

oh and shaw!
you can shove your expensive food up your anus.

phew...

oh and i forgot...


DIE BRIEF RESPONSE PAPER!!!! DIEEEEEEE



i'm done.