ga

so my life is ruined and my goals are shattered.
Everyday I get a smack in the face reminding me that I didn't get any scholarship.
Apparently my goals weren't firm enough for one and Nothing specifically stood out for the other. Oh and I need a better person to write my letters of recommendation.
So now i'm gonna have to pay 7,000 out of my pocket.
Everything I make is going to have to go towards that.
So no spain, no money no anything.
I'm too much of a loser to win anything.
They make it sound like winning a scholarship is so easy. Go to college, get a scholarship. its that simple. Well its not. Not everyone had perfect high school years where they were involved in every sport and every club. Some people aren't naturally talented in sports. or actually have to do other things that they can't be in a club. Maybe clubs are just overrated. Maybe I like to do things that are actually worthwhile. Not some stupid soup kitchen shit. I translated for people did favors for people ever since I was little. Never did i thought to make it community service official. I helped people because it was the right thing to do.
And I'm sorry my goals aren't firm. Maybe I want to graduate a year early, maybe I don't. It all depends on money. And aren't you supposed to help me with that?
And then everyday I see people spend money like its no tomorrow. Lets go to a concert, oh my gosh then the next week lets all go to california. Let's go to the mall everyday.
Like what the hell dude just rub it in my face everyone.
And then I look back at my summer and realize it just wasn't as good as last summer.
Everybody was being gay, all they wanna do is get drunk or hang out with their girlfriends. My girl friends rarely hang out with me. I took summer classes and didn't even get to have a paycheck cuz i was spending it on summer tuition. and now i have to face the nervousness of going back to college and seeing if I can actually make some friends this time because last time my roommate was an f'n weirdo.
I swear like not too many people understand me and I don't have the patience either to put up with other people.
and i'm just angry.
I'm so angry that I still have to worry about money. I've been worrying about money my whole life and i'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to work for everything while I see stupid people get everything handed to them.
GRRRRRRRR