grown up.

I think im grown up. but apparently im not. because i complain about things and dont like it when things dont go my way..
I don't know why i complain so much. I think its because its easier to complain than to say something stupid. I think I complain because i dont know how to start other conversations. and if i do complain i should be able to say whatever i want to the people i trust most. because if i can't, then what's the point you know??
But i guess i should grow up. cause being negative just makes bad energy.
I don't know whats up with me. I just have this stupid fear of being annoying to people.
I don't want people to hate me or say that im annoying. I don't wanna be ditched for someone else. When I see friends that i've had for a long time hang out with so many people all the time, and then I come and they treat me like crap...how am i supposed to feel? I get jealous you know. Like what do these people have that i don't have? Is it really just because im annoying and negative? I think sometimes i do deserve a little respect. Maybe i wouldn't be negative if people would treat me right and listen to what i have to say without tagging me as annoying and nagging.
gaaa. i have no patience for people at all. and then i start to judge them because I then get annoyed.

i shouldn't have to be approved by everyone else.
I just need to be like i used to. Happy, funny, and independent.